


Lost and Found

by Anneyy



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Dick Grayson is Robin, Drowning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Anguish, Raven needs a hug, References to Depression, Self-Sacrifice, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23259928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anneyy/pseuds/Anneyy
Summary: She knew it wasn't possible to save the Earth from her destiny. All she knew was that she had no other choice, this was her only option.Post 'Birthmark' (4x03), Pre 'The Prophecy' (4x07)WARNING: spoilers and mention of suicide.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Raven, Robin/Raven, Robrae
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys, hope you guys are well :) 
> 
> this story will feature a suicide. if you are feeling suicidal, this may not be the story for you to read. please talk to close friend, family member or call a service hotline for help. you don't have to fight the battle alone. stay strong everyone, it will be okay.

The night remained still, silent. Her eyes wandering along the skyline of Jump City, trying to shake off the nightmare she had. The cool air brushed against her skin, the clouds overhead covering the moon. She let her eyes shut, trying to forget the red, angry words that painted the walls of her nightmare. A constant reminder of what she would do. This was _her_ city. Azarath was gone, destroyed. This was her home. 

This was her home and she was going to destroy it, along with the rest of the world. 

There was no stopping destiny, that much she knew. Born from a demon, prophesied to destroy the earth. She knew it was coming, it was just a matter of time. Her eyelids blinked over her violet eyes, trying to capture the beauty of the city that she has tried to protect.

This was her choice. Her choice of ending it before she could end the world. _Self-sacrifice_ , she inwardly scoffed. This was her way of repaying the world for being who she was. 

Raven wasn’t one for emotional attachments, she never was. Emotions were… dangerous. There was never rational thinking with _emotions_. She knew she’d miss everyone. Even Beast Boy, as annoying as he could be. She knew that she’d miss him too. She’d miss Starfire and her Tamaranian flare, the energy she would bring to every dull, boring day. And Cyborg with his mechanics, his cooking; his quarrelling with Beast Boy about TV. But, most of all, she’d miss Robin. 

Robin. 

He was someone that understood her the way that nobody could. Without words, even without their bond. Robin respected who she was as a person, cared for her when needed and protected her, _always_. He had hope when nobody else did, he saw the light at the end of the tunnel. And, Raven knew, if he was here, he would convince her that there was still hope in saving the world from Trigon. 

_Drown it before it drowns you._

Raven looked out onto the horizon, the breeze catching her hair. The sea was reflecting the skyline of the city. This was her only choice if she wanted to protect the world. Anybody would have done the same as her, it was something they would _all_ do. The guilt she felt was immeasurable, everlasting. This was the way they would remember her. Her limp body laying silently, floating by the shore side. 

Dead.

She could imagine their reaction. It broke her. It broke pieces of her into tiny pieces, breaking her thin. The world was on her shoulders, it would be selfish to save herself when she knew what she would become. 

Raven brushed the water with her hands, feeling the dull ache of numbness from the cold water. With one stride, she felt the water engulf her body. Her breath hitched as she felt the water come up to her chest, taking a deep breath in she allowed herself to float on the water's surface. 

And then she let go. 

Exhaling, she allowed it to submerge her. The weight of her cloak pulling her down under. Her eyes eased shut, the water surrounded her, pushing her down. 

Her lungs screamed in agony, wishing for oxygen again. But she resisted, calming herself in the chaos. Her bond with Robin felt like a dull ache in the back of her skull, hoping that she had done enough to numb it. 

_Don’t save me._ She thought as she floated down, hoping that she would never awaken again. 

* * *

[]

Robin watched as she approached the ocean, staring at the horizon of the city. His gaze lingered on her for a minute, watching her silhouette move through the darkness.

Pieces of light pierced through the thick clouds covering it, trying to escape from its heavy grasp. Raven stood there, peacefully, under the gaze of the moon. 

He walked towards the kitchen and turned the kettle on. The silent hum of the water boiling inside, Robin’s hand reaches towards his mug. Fingers feeling the dents and patterning at the side. It was a mug she gave him, one with a robin’s fluttering on the surface. Opening the cupboard above, he reached for the tea bags, grasping it and pulling one out. Walking over to the fridge, he pulled out the carton of milk, carefully checking the expiration date to make sure it hadn’t soured. The kettle hissed loudly at him, telling him that the water was boiling. He placed his tea bag into his mug before pouring the scalding water inside. 

Robin silently watched as the tea leaves began seeping into the water, discolouring the water to a light orange. Gently opening the milk carton, he poured until it turned to a shade of caramel. He exhaled slightly, rubbing his tired eyes. He wasn’t able to get a good night's sleep since Raven’s birthday. 

Raven’s birthday. 

Slade. 

He couldn’t shut his eyes without seeing the metal mask staring back at him, taunting him. The noise of breaking Slades his neck rang in his ears, making him snap awake every time, with his heart hammering within his ribcage. It took him hours before he could dispel the images in his head, trying to calm his mind enough to even consider going back to bed, and by that time, the sun had risen. 

Robin slipped his hand into the handle of the mug, clutching it tightly as he made his way to the computer on the couch. He gazed outwards, the moon now overshadowed by the clouds, seeing Raven silhouette at the edge of the water. Smiling slightly, observing her from the shadows. Her figure dipped into the water, recoiling slightly at the coldness of the night.

He would’ve never pegged Raven as a swimmer, but countless nights had proved him indifferent to the situation. Robin felt a little awkward watching her swim but it was therapeutic, helping him calm his breath with his cup of tea in hand. He watched her as she floated on the surface of the sea. The water engulfed her figure, submerging her. Robin quietly waited for her head to resurface from the dark abyss. 

But it didn’t. 

The darkness remained still. 

It took him a minute to realise that she wasn’t coming back up, that she would be drowning. He felt their bond express pain, as it clawed for air. As _she_ clawed for air, desperate to resurface. 

Yet, there was a sense of peace as he felt her heaving. A sense that it was meant to be this way. 

Robin slammed his mug onto the table, running out of the kitchen. His heart pounded in his chest, worry climbing as his adrenaline rushed into his system. He slid his way down the staircase, his muscles clenching in fear as he ran towards the sea that surrounded Titans tower. 

Without a second thought, he dove into the blindly cold sea, his muscles tightened at the icy coldness, he could see her the outline of her shadow sinking lower and lower into the sea, her eyes shut, peacefully falling. He frantically swam after her, pushing against the water to try and get to Raven. 

His hand clutched onto the hood of her cloak, desperately pulling onto it to attempt to get her to move towards him, _towards the surface_. Robin felt her move, her eyes widened, shock filling her eyes. He felt her struggle in his grasp, but he continued to fiercely pull onto her hood, in an attempt to reach the surface. 

The muscles in his arm ached, desperate for oxygen as he continued to fight against the water to pull Raven up. As his head broke the surface of the water, gasped desperately for air as he swam to the shore. Robin let out a few strangled coughs, trying to get the water out of his throat. His hand still clutching Raven’s hood. She gagged, the water out, collapsing to her knees as she tried to take in breaths. 

Her eyes looked up at him, tired, pained, defeated. 

Their bond rang, and all he could read was _Why?_

* * *

[]

Raven felt hands grab onto the hood of her cloak, pulling her to the surface. A violent tug as she realises what was going on. She opened her eyes, the saltwater stinging on the surface of her cornea. Air bubbles floated around her as someone desperately tried to pull her up. It was strong, familiar. 

_Robin._

_No. No. NO!_

She feverishly tried to struggle in the water, to no avail. Her limbs were tired from the lack of oxygen that she had, becoming sluggish and incompetent. She couldn’t fight against his strength, dragging her above the surface. Raven let out a gasp, coughing and spitting out the water she had inhaled. The cold air slapped her face, as she sputtered and gagged the water up from her stomach. 

“Raven, What were you thinking?” He growled at her before his eyes softened to meet her gaze. “Why? You could’ve gotten yourself-” _Killed._ His eyes widened at the realisation, he mentally smacked himself. _Why? Why would you do that?_

“Why?” She spat out. “Why did _you_ do that?” Her eyes filled with unshed tears. _This wasn’t supposed to happen. You ruined everything!_ Her mind echoed. 

“I was saving you!”

“I never asked you to save me!” 

Raven fell to her knees, the wind blowing against her cloak in the cold air. Her gaze remained fixed on the rocks in front of her. “I never asked you to save me.” She whispered hoarsely. “I never wanted you to save me.” She looked up at him, her eyes tired. “I didn’t… I never wanted any of you to risk your life for me.”

“Rave-“ 

“I’m not something you should be saving.” She said in a low monotone. Raven turned her gaze away from him, the rain began to roll down in sheets. Her hair was drenched, falling in front of her eyes, scratching her neck. She shivered slightly, breathing in the smell of wet earth as the sky wept. 

Like how she would weep at night. 

Her shoulders heavy, she felt _done._ Done with this life that she has lived, done with all the pain that she has caused. Sleepless nights rocking back and forth in her bed. Trying to grasp onto any form of sleep that would come her way. “I can’t-, I am not something that you should save Robin. I’m not worth that.” 

“Raven, of course, you’re worth saving. You’re worth something Raven, something to me! Something to us!” He voiced, he watched her as she knelt on the rocky ground. Her body slouched and shivered from the dipping temperature. 

“Stop. Robin. You don’t have to lie to me.” She said, pushing herself up to her feet. “I know who I am, I’m not worth… I’m not worth it.” She voiced in monotone. Raven kept her voice level, trying to keep her emotions at bay. “You shouldn’t care about me Robin, I’m not worth it.”

“What makes you think that you’re not worth saving? What makes you think that I shouldn’t care about you? I-I” He said. “I care about you Rae. You’re not garbage, Raven. You’re not _fucking_ trash that we throw away just because something bad would happen. This isn’t- it isn’t right.” Robin stared at her, his body dripping from the sea. The smell of salt lifted in the air, stinging his nose.

“You don’t understand!” She snapped, her eyes flashing up in anger. The waves crashed around her, mirroring her emotions. “Do you not see? I. Am. Not. Worth. Saving.” 

He let out an infuriated sigh, “But why? You have yet to explain that to me! You say I don’t understand… well, help me too! Help me understand!” He said, his eyes staring at her, pain filling them as he read their bond. Robin could feel her confusion, her anger, her sadness. 

He felt it too. 

His heart ached as he faced her, trying to make sense of the madness that he had just witnessed. Trying to understand why she would do _this._ His mind searched for any rational reasoning. Anything, anything at all to try and understand what _she_ was thinking. What _she_ was feeling. “Help me understand, Raven. Please.” He said hoarsely. “I don’t understand.” 

“Understanding won’t matter.” She monotonously responded. “What I choose to do, it won’t matter. In the long run, you’ll be safe. All of you will be safe…”

Memories flashed in front of him. _Her_ memories. 

“At the cost of your own life?” He said, eyes wide. Robin finally understood what she meant, he inhaled sharply, attempting to compose himself. _This wasn’t the way to do it,_ he whispered to himself, hoping that she would hear his thoughts. “Nothing is worth it if it costs your own life.” 

Trigon. 

Death. 

Gone. 

He understood the burden that she carried. The guilt she faced everyday, waking up, trying to come to terms with the destiny that was given to her as a child. Robin’s heart clenched, she was willing to die for him, for their friends, for the world. 

She would leave him. Forever. There was no bringing her back. _Selfish bastard!_ his head echoed. Of course, he was, he wanted her to live. He wanted to help her, to protect her. He couldn’t do that if she wasn’t here anymore. 

“Yes, at the cost of my life. It will be worth it.” She responded, lowering her eyelids slowly. “Do you understand why I am not worth saving? Why you shouldn't care about me?”

“No matter what happens, I will always care about you, you will always be worth saving,” Robin said, glancing at her. His heart hammering in his chest.“Nothing is worth it if it costs your own life.” He repeated again. 

“It will be worth it.” She voiced quietly. “You shouldn’t have saved me.” Raven dropped to her knees. The exhaustion finally rolled over her. Her violet eyes gazed down to the cold sea below. The dampness of her cloak was still making her shiver. “You shouldn’t be caring for someone who is about to destroy the world.” 

“No matter what, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice yourself.” Robin said, “Who you are… what destiny you were prophesied to fulfil, it doesn’t matter. Nothing, _nothing_ is worth the cost of your life.” Robin took a step forward, setting himself beside her tired body. “We don’t trade lives, Raven, this isn’t how it works.”

“We don’t know how any of this works.” She responded, her voice defeated. “I’m what Trigon needs to get to Earth, I’m going to destroy this city… _your_ city. I can’t do that, I can’t be part of the destruction.”

“Then help us fight it… _Please,_ Raven. It doesn’t have to end with your death.” 

“You don’t know that Robin.” 

“I know enough.” He said, looking at her. “We will stop it.”

“You don’t know that.” She repeated, “Wouldn't you do the same? If it was…” She inhales slightly, “...if it was your life? If your life could save millions, wouldn’t you sacrifice yourself too?”

Robin sighed, in actuality, he would sacrifice himself to save millions. But this wasn’t about him, this was about her. He wasn’t about to let her throw away her life, he wouldn’t let her. “Raven…” 

“You would, wouldn’t you?” She scoffed, “Then why is this any different?”

“You don’t know if it’ll work or not.” He quietly replied. “You don’t know if it will work, if it… did… work, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” 

“Robin, don’t you understand? He needs _me,_ not you, not Starfire, _me._ He needs me to come to earth.”

“How do you know that he won’t come by other means? Killing yourself isn’t a way to stop him from coming.” Robin implored, pleading with her now. 

“You don’t know that.” She gritted, echoing his words. Raven breathed out, her body aching from exhaustion. “I can’t do this Robin, I can’t. I won’t sit by and watch myself destroy this earth.” 

“Then help us save it.” He pleaded, “Help us find a way to defeat Trigon.”

“I-I…There is no way to defeat him, Robin. There is no hope.”

Robin gazed upon her body, kneeling on the rocky floor. He felt her pain, the weight that she carried for her entire life. His heart heaved, he hated seeing her like this.

Defeated. 

He sighed, looking onto the horizon as the wind brushed up against their bodies. The moon shone down through the clouds, reflecting itself on the water’s surface. “Raven… You’re right. We don’t know what’s going to happen. We don’t know what can and cannot work but we need to try.” Robin set himself beside her, “We need to hope that things will get better.” 

“I don’t know how.” She whispered hoarsely. “I don’t know how to hope anymore… I’m… I’m scared.” 

“I know.” He said sadly. “It’s okay to be scared Rae, there’s nothing wrong with being sad or scared.” Taking a breath in, he gently took her hand, rubbing circles around the backside of it. “You wanna know something… I’m scared too.” 

“Robin… I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t know how to hope.” Raven said quietly, “I’m so tired, I can’t sleep without seeing _those_ words. I can’t _stop_ thinking about what will happen.” She felt the movements on the back of her hand soothing, it made her comfortable. Her senses were dimmed, sluggish. All her emotions melded together and she felt… nothing. “I’m tired. Robin. I’m so tired.”

He nodded gently, “I know you are. Rae. I’ll be here for you, I’ll always be here for you.” Robin stroked the back of her hand, trying to calm her emotions. “Out of everything, know that I care about you Rae, more than you know. I care about you, I don’t want you to fight this battle alone.” Raven slowly nodded, tears filling her eyes. “I don’t want you to do this alone, okay? We have a bond remember? Whatever happens, no matter how big or small, I will be there for you.” He said firmly, “You don’t have to do this alone.” 

“Robin, I-I. This destiny, _my_ destiny…I’m scared of what will happen.” Raven said monotonously, “I can’t… _stop._ I’m scared of what will happen to you, to everyone…Every time I close my eyes, I imagine the world in flames.” Her heart quivered, remembering the feeling of flames licking her nightmares. The searing stare of her Father bringing her to her knees. The image of Robin frozen in concrete stone, screaming out for salvation. 

“Rae… whatever happens, we will find a way to fix it.” Robin consoled, “I don’t know how I don’t know when but we’ll find a way to defeat Trigon. We’ll find a way to make it all okay.”

“You have so much hope.” She sighed. “I don’t know how you do it.” 

Robin gave a small smile, his eyes looking towards her. “I choose to believe that there is good in the world. Amongst everything, I choose to believe that the world isn’t as doomed.” His gaze lingered on her small features, he could feel her doubt ringing through their bond. “Raven, I choose to believe that you’ll find a way to defeat Trigon. I know you will and you might not have hope for yourself, but I have hope for you.”

Raven looked up, disbelief blossoming in her chest. She shook her head in apprehension, her mind attempting to search for the words to reply to him. “I-I…” She swallowed slightly, searching for any form of doubt in his expression. 

There was none. 

He really did believe. 

“You don’t have to say anything Rae, I believe in you. I have always believed in you.” 

She nodded, leaning into him to support her tired figure. Raven relaxed at his touch, it was soothing, calming. Exhaustion finally washed over her, dragging her into the abyss of sleep. Her tired eyes attempted to stay awake until she got back into her room. Her eyelids faltered, quietly protesting for rest. Her hand wandered towards Robins, loosely clutching his hand. “Robin…I’m tired.”

“Come on, let’s head back inside.” Robin slowly started to stand, helping Raven up to her feet. 

Their walk back to the tower was silent. Robin made sure that she didn’t lag behind, watching her tired expression as they walked towards her room. Guilt weighed heavily in his chest, he felt so… helpless. There was nothing he could do but hope that it would get better, that all of this would get better. His heart pained watching Raven carry the burden of her destiny alone. If he could carry it for her, he would. 

But it was her destiny. And he knew that he couldn’t stop it, nobody could. Only Rae could, and he knew enough to know that she would do what was right. 

“Robin…” She quietly called, as they approached her room. “Thank you. I wouldn’t be here without you.” 

“Rae, I’ll always be with you. You don’t have to carry this alone.”

“No Robin… I do.” Raven sighed, “I do.” She glanced upwards, for the first time that night, realised that he wasn’t wearing his mask. His eyes filled with pain, _her_ pain, and it tore her apart. “Robin, you’ve done so much for me. But this… this is something that I have to carry myself.” 

“Rae-”

“I know that you want to help, I know you do. But I can’t hope and then have all of this fall apart. Understand that, for me. I can’t hope that it’ll all turn out alright when I know that it may not be that way.” 

“Rae, we’re in this together. No matter what happens, we’re in this together.” 

Raven nodded slowly before taking a few steps forwards, wrapping him in a tight hug. “I-I… Thank you, Robin.” She was grateful for what he had done for her, her eyes filled with unshed tears as she pulled him tighter in her embrace. “Thank you, Robin.” 

“Always Rae, Always.” Robin spoke, his hand stroking her violet hair gently.“I’ll always be here for you.” 

Raven pursued her lip as she withdrew, “I’m scared of falling asleep.” She muttered, “I always see fire.” 

“Let me stay with you tonight. So you have company, just to make sure you’re safe.” Robin promised, “Is that alright with you?” 

Raven glanced upwards, biting her top lip and slowly nodded. “Yes.” 

He gazed at her with a small smile at the edge of his lips, “Okay, let me go get changed out of these wet clothes. You won’t be alone tonight, I promise.” 

She nodded again and watched him disappear down the hallway. Raven peeled herself out of her wet leotard and placed her damp cloak onto the floor, she shivered as the air hit her body. She found a loose-fitting shirt and some shorts, she gently slipping it on before sitting herself on her bed. The moon shone through the clouds now, shining through the broad window. Her books on the floor illuminated by the light that refracted against the window. Her fatigued face was reflected against the broad window in front of her, the tired eyes looking back at her with swelling disappointment. 

She was saved tonight. By someone who cared for her more than she cared for herself. 

The door hissed open, and Robin walked in, gently placing himself at the edge of her bed. His expression was tired too as if he hadn’t slept for days. She could sense the dull twinge of fatigue that resided throughout his body. She pursed her lip again, watching as he leaned back on her bed, “Raven? Are you okay?” 

“Robin…how do you do it? How do you have so much… hope for me?” 

He thought for a minute, settling himself on the edge of her bed. “Because I know you want more than to be your Father’s pawn. I know you’ll find a way. You’re one of the strongest people I know, you won’t give up so easily.” 

Raven settled herself onto her pillow, the soreness of her body thrashing in the water began to envelop her, making her muscles ache with weakness. She could sense Robin’s presence at the side of her, he wasn’t saying much but she didn’t need him too. His presence calmed him enough for her to allow sleep to take over. 

* * *

[]

Robin watched as she eased quickly into sleep, he adjusted his sitting position on the bed, fighting back the urge to doze off alongside her. He could feel the silent hum of calm from their bond, his hand gently brushing the pieces of hair away from her face. He knew that it was hard for her to let go of her emotions, of her memories. 

“Raven, we will stop Trigon.” He whispered quietly, even knowing that she wouldn’t hear. “We will stop him. I know we will. I-I… ” _I_ _Love you._ He wanted to whisper. But he couldn’t. Was it fear? He wasn’t sure. “... I care about you Rae, I always have. I always have, and I don’t think I’ll stop.” He placed his hand away from her hair, leaning back onto the bedpost, he felt his eyes slowly ease shut, tempting him into sleep. Robin exhaled, allowing himself to relax. _I care about you Rae._ He muttered in his head. _I care about you._

_I love you, Rae._

He cared about her more than he would let on. He noticed the minute things about her attitude, the way she carried herself throughout her day. The way she would react and speak, the level of monotone she would use. Robin could never stop noticing, she was always at the back of his mind. A constant reminder of who he needed to protect, from villains and from herself. 

He could never stop thinking about how to protect her, how to make her smile; how to make her laugh. Robin understood her better than anyone on the team. And she understood him better than anyone else on the team. 

For his entire life, he didn't know what love felt like. What it was like to love someone else beyond the parental figures in his life. But with Raven, it felt so real. A feeling that blossomed in his chest, his needs to guide and protect her. 

It had taken him years to realise what that feeling was. The warm feeling in his chest when he could comfort her when he could help her. The feeling of jealousy when he saw the way Aqualad or Beast Boy would like at her. He sighed, gently stroking her hair as he calmed the emotions that stirred inside of him. He could never comprehend the emotion of love, it seemed to foreign. Nothing was certain, especially at this point in time. 

But he knew he loved her. And for now, that was enough. 

[]

**Author's Note:**

> hope you guys are all safe at this time! and again a reminder: if you are feeling suicidal, please confide in a close friend, family member or whoever you feel comfortable with. always remember, you don't have to fight this battle alone. 
> 
> thoughts on this story?


End file.
